Seeking Sincerity

Seeking sincerity has become
such a chore.
To accept
mediocrity has its own
attraction.
Optimism begins to fester and
slowly rots
until it becomes a
physical weight
in my chest.

Suffocating.
We drown ourselves in
cliches until they
leak through our pores and
create a sheen
of self-deception

Restart. Reset.
Overandoverandoverandoverandover
again.
Expect disappointment and rebound quickly;
no longer assets, but necessities.

We try to convince ourselves
this time will be
different, but
how long until
depleting reserves of potential
and possibility
run out?

How can I decide the
amount of time to
spend searching when
I’m told by
almost everyone
that I’ll find something when I least expect to.
Something;
someone.
This is all
counter-intuitive
when every success story both
emboldens and makes me
question what it is
exactly
that I’m doing wrong.

How many times must I be lied to?
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“I’m just not ready for a relationship.”
“You’re so great, but…”
Is there some sort of conspiracy
that they’ve all agreed to play the game?
To see if I’ll
chase? If only it
were that easy.

How long before they
begin blending into variations of
the same carbon copies? The same
university-branded drinking photos, the same
vacation spots, the same
pursed beaks, flexing facades.
How long until they start
to run together and I  start
to wonder if there is
anyone
worth getting to know?
Plastic permutations of
the same theme; a blueprint
with minor tweaks that
don’t improve,
just diversify

Soon I parse out and
MAGNIFY
parts of my personality to
try and find some common ground
to make things work;
only when things fall through do
I realize how
unimportant they are and that
I was only injecting air to
fluff them up.
The temptation that maybe
this time will be different, maybe
I will finally
break through
if I stay here a little longer.
But after five years of
disappointment, why would now be any
different?

Over-analyze every aspect.
Was I too interested?
Not interested enough?
Did I talk too much? Too little?
Did I focus too much on
one topic of conversation?
Am I too shallow?
Was there something I
fixated on
in her appearance that
I didn’t like at first
so that’s all I could see,
which in turn soured me>?

How much is
my fault?
Is that even worth asking?
All of it.
Why does it seem to be
so easy
for others?
I know I don’t see the whole story,
but
I can’t help but wonder.
I see and
feel and
know
my worth;
why can’t they?

Advertisements

Music Monday: “Growing Old is Getting Old” by Silversun Pickups

musicmonday

Music Monday is a meme, created by Drew at The Tattooed Book Geek, where I focus on a song I absolutely love and feel needs to be shared.

Song: “Growing Old is Getting Old”
Artist: Silversun Pickups
Album: Swoon (2009)

Continue reading “Music Monday: “Growing Old is Getting Old” by Silversun Pickups”

The Handmaid’s Tale – Review

Flashback Friday

Perpetually Past Due

The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood

Published in 1985

Pages: 311

Genre: Dystopian, speculative fiction

“We slept in what had once been the gymnasium.”

The Handmaid’s Tale takes place in a dystopian future where a religious sect has taken over the United States of America and transformed it into the Republic of Gilead. Patriarchy reigns supreme and a bastardized version of Christianity is the law of the land. Due to this, the Handmaid’s job is to be the sacred vessel for the coming generations. Read: used strictly for procreation. These Handmaids are indoctrinated and made to do their “duty” (awkward and uncomfortable sex) through unquestioning faith. The main character, Offred (whose name is based on the name of the Commander that she serves. Literally meaning “Of-Fred”, it is more of an identification of property. Other characters are named Ofwarren and Ofglen), recounts her experiences as a Handmaid and through her…

View original post 814 more words

A Blog’s Purpose

I published a post about blogging last week, and a great point was raised by my fellow blogger, Bookstooge; he said he would be interested in learning the reason behind why I recommended connecting a blog to social media in order to share it with more people and invite online traffic. While thinking on this, I began reflecting about the journey my blog has taken me on and how I got to the point I am at today. So this is the story thus far; let’s start a little before the blog even existed and try to understand why it was created. Continue reading “A Blog’s Purpose”

The Black Prism – Review

Flashback Friday

Perpetually Past Due

The Black Prism by Brent Weeks

Published in 2010

Pages: 626

Genre: Fantasy

“Kip crawled toward the battlefield in the darkness, the mist pressing down, blotting out sound, scattering starlight.”

The Black Prism is the first book in Nick Weeks’s Lightbringer series and packs quite a lot into its 626 pages. The story takes place in a world where some people are born with the ability to use colors of light to create magic. These people are known as drafters; the most powerful of whom is called The Prism. He is the spiritual leader of the seven satrapies, one for each color of the spectrum, and when it is discovered that the current Prism fathered a bastard son, the world of many characters gets thrown on its head.

View original post 836 more words

On Blogging

I have been thinking about creating a post with some tips and tricks for blogging for some time now; though I already made a post regarding the unforeseen consequences of blogging, I wanted to give some advice and examples that have helped me gain the dedicated following I have. When I created my blog 3 years ago, WordPress provided a free e-book that gives tips for starting a blog and gaining traction. I will preface my advice by saying I followed a lot of what the e-book said, especially regarding tags and using SEO to get views and draw an audience to my site. What follows is advice I wish had been shared with me when I was first starting out.

Continue reading “On Blogging”