Selfishness

I am fixated by
the way your laughter
explodes despite your
half-hearted attempts to stifle;
I would like to be the cause.

I think of how your smile reaches
your eyes; creasing in such a way
that only increases your beauty, your
honesty, your
splendor.

I want to sit and share
myself; to learn
about you.
Where you come from,
how we are similar, how
we are different.

I daydream of us speaking,
but each time we draw near I
am flummoxed, confounded,
and all the other synonyms listed
in the thesaurus.

There is a flurry in my chest at
even the thought of your proximity.
I want to impress you, to find out if
these feelings are just flattering fancy or
if the connection I feel truly exists.

I have been fooled before; attraction
can be such a burden to bear,
especially when it is carried alone.

But I am selfish; or
have you not
been paying attention?

I haven’t thought about
what you want;
not even once.

by Erik Shinker

3 thoughts on “Selfishness

  1. Wow you are really hard on yourself sometimes. OF COURSE your first thoughts of meeting an attractive stranger would center on your own feelings. That’s not selfish; it’s natural.

    It seems the only desires of hers that you could possibly consider are whether or not she wants to speak with you, and even if you haven’t consciously thought about that, you must have done so on some level because your fear of her response leaves you feeling all sorts of thesaurus-generated adjectives.

    Don’t get me wrong; I love this poem. It’s beautiful, and I can feel it in my core… which is why I’ve responded. Been exactly that hard on myself plenty of times, so maybe call this a little bit of commiseration and a whole lot of encouragement.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it’s fine to be selfish in the beginning, especially if the purpose is pursuing the love of your life. It’s a completely different story of the person keeps thinking selfishly after they are already together.

    Liked by 2 people

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