Spiraling

Is it really companionship I want?
When I start to sit and
contemplate what a relationship
entails, I feel myself lilt.

Being responsible for my own
emotional well-being can be overbearing at times;
watching over another’s could be too much.

Is this the male cowardice we hear so much about?
Unable to commit, worrying
too much
about things that
haven’t even happened?

Why do I continue this fruitless
endeavor? If I really met my
“dream woman”, would I have to courage?

Or would I simply sit and sulk,
masochistic in my love of loneliness;
forever trapped in this cycle of spiraling.
Yet I ask for a chance
as if I would even take it.

by Erik Shinker

4 thoughts on “Spiraling

  1. I really like this one. I hate the part in relationships where it becomes “oh, this is what I do now.” Where all my growth decisions are filtered through the other and then become slightly predictable because we inevitably do that to the others in our life (reduce them to their predictable behavior). There’s something to be said for loneliness, the strand that hasn’t been weaved in yet.
    In any case, it also reminded me of this friend I had once. He wanted to be a Buddhist monk. I was in a relationship. We were able to develop a level of intimacy and friendship that quieted some part of my screaming soul down. I think I got a chance to practice. The lack of expectation maybe. Intimacy without expectation is harder to come by than we realize, perhaps.
    Best wishes, either way. And thank you for your poetry and thoughts.:)

    Liked by 1 person

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